Blogs 3 & 4

Blog 3: 24th April 2008 - What’s in a name

Just because you are married you do not have to assume your spouse’s name. I hung onto mine because I am very fond of it and did not want to change it and ditto for my husband (not that I expected him or wanted him to change to my name). My daughter has always thought my name is great and sees my keeping it as part of feisty girl power.

I don’t see it quite in those terms but simply that you do have a choice. There is no legal requirement for a woman to take her husband’s name upon marriage, it is simply a matter of convention. Tradition can be a strong thing but you do not have to follow it if you don’t want to.

Increasingly couples can and do consider various permutations such as the husband will assuming the wife’s name or having both names (with or without the hyphen) even though this is not as straightforward as a wife assuming the husband’s name and sadly requires a change of name deed. This also applies to couples who want to change their name upon a Civil Partnership ceremony.

Having just returned from a long weekend taken as my daughter wanted to mark this year’s birthday in a very particular way. It is her entry into the teenage zone. Recent RE lessons meant she had had to look at Rites of Passage in different cultures and it really grabbed her attention.

Clients who have been through a break up with their partners often also need some rite of passage to mark the passing of a relationship and the start of a new stage in their life. There is no getting away from the fact handling a relationship breakdown can be a thoroughly miserable and depressing experience even where there is continuing good will between the couple. Once all the formalities are completed some people like a good party complete with cards, poppers and balloons, others just want to mark it quietly in some way so they can get on with living the rest of their lives to the full .

The rite can be simply packing up your papers in a box and putting them away. You may want to go through photographs and other mementos and pack them away too. If the breakup has been difficult, do consider that was only part of the relationship and you may have good memories you want to revisit at a later date. Of course if it was really awful you probably feel you want to burn an effigy on

the bonfire together with those photographs, the favourite item of clothing you kept as a memento and the cuddly toy he or she bought for you in the first flush of love but only do this if you are completely and utterly convinced that you won’t miss those mementos. ...