Blogs 5 & 6

I was going to do this blog yesterday but overlooked it as I was too busy washing my face in the dew first thing. As Spring has sprung I thought I’d comment on the jolly side of family work.

Every year I get approached by couples looking to get wed abroad. They have booked their wedding package, worked out the arrangements for any guests that might be joining them and thought about their wedding gear.

Then the holiday rep tells them about the not so glamourous bit -they must get a Statutory Declaration drawn up. This document is usually required to confirm the bride or groom’s status as a British national, their full name and address, passport details, their freedom to marry and that they are engaged to marry the other party. There is some variation on the detail required depending on the country visited. It is a straightforward document but it is important to have it done well in advance of your planned holiday so your tour company can check it.

Do check it is a formal wedding ceremony you are undertaking and not just an event that has a wedding like air to it. Remember Jerry Hall and Mick Jagger who had a Hindu wedding in Bali that turned out not to be valid under English law

Once you have checked the status of the ceremony and done your Statutory declaration you should be able to relax and enjoy your dreams of a sun drenched ceremony.

We all have an elephant in the room – the issue that looms large but don’t want to talk about in case it leads to scary revelations or discussions. I suspect there were a few elephants looming large at City Hall and No. 10 last weekend.

Time and again clients tell me there are issues they have tried to discuss with their partner but either their own fear has kept them quiet or the other person has closed their ears to discussions. Remember the elephant in the room can trample your relationship if concerns are not tackled.

Plan your discussion so you are not attempting to discuss important issues at a time when your partner is stressed or tired or wants to watch a TV programme that is important to them – do that and you are already at a disadvantage in having a reasonable discussion. Make sure you focus on how you feel and avoid using language that blames your partner. Most of all make it clear you want a positive discussion to help strengthen a relationship. You may hear things you don’t want to hear – about the future of your relationship or the state of your finances – but knowledge can lead to change